It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
