Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize