I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
