so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize