Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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