there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
