it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
