dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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