lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
