Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
