Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
