oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
