At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
