My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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