Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
