wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize