Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
