hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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