I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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