At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
