sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
