Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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