Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
