My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
