The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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