oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
