I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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