My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
