if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
