DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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