have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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