i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
