Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
