When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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