I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
