she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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