my mouth tastes like poor choices
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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