so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
