omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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