Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
