But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
