My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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