i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
