sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
