My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
