My brain says no but my pants say off.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
