at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the day after is always just damage control
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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