Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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