Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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