I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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