Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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