puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
