dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
