saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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