i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
