I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
