are you still at the devil's house?
Soap is not a condiment
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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