peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am midnight drunk by noon
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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