Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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