I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
