i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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