Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
