How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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