I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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