either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
