i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
